(image from xkcd.com, License: [http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.5/ CC-BY-NC])
Or, What Not To Name Your Children.
- We've had lots of great ideas for What Not To Name Your Children, but of course, can't think of any right now; maybe other people can come up with some, or maybe we'll remember some & write them here.
I had a teacher in High School named Mrs. Head, her husband's name was Richard.
I have a mate called Jizee Cock.
I knew a Richard Swallows...school was always funny when he was around!
There was a guy I knew with the last name of Beaver. He married a girl named Sharon. That's the truth.
I knew Richard Cummings. Guess what we nicknamed him.
I used to have a customer called Patricia Mycock - we were warned never to shorten her forname to Pat. She was supposedly married to a guy called Paul, but no idea if that last bit is true or not.
Hm...howabout Ben Tover? And his brother can be Neil Tover!
I want to name my son Thor Danger. My fincée won't even budge on Danger... I mean, shit, it's a middle name, so he can just ignore it if he wants, and if he likes it, well, he can actually say "Danger... is my middle name." Feh. Women.
Would she prefer something like Smedley Darlington Butler? Heh, hard not to be Jaded when your name is Smedley Darlington Butler. Go ahead. tease a Marine about his name. Find out what happens. He will edit your wiki! oh noes!
I just lost an attempt to name my daughter Catalyst Sphere Harrison.
There's always the fictional example of a popular British detective from the '30s: Peter Death Bredon Wimsey. He must have had an unusual branch in the family to get a name like that. (On occasion he liked to go by the name "Death Bredon".)
Or how about Ikea, Paprica, Caramel, Bambi, Fire-Lily, Skylark or Tame? Also, don't forget about Moon Unit Zappa or her little sister Diva Thin Muffin Zappa. And of course their brother Dweezil.
I heard a story about a high-school girl, after giving birth to a baby girl was asked by the doctor what the newborn's name was to be. The mother immediately said "Hennessey." A bit surprised, the doctor asked why she was to be named after an alcoholic beverage. The mother answered that as far as she knew, Hennessey was the true father.
A girl in my high school was a member of the quirky Knight family. Her name: DayeAnn Knight. Her aunt's? Mid Knight. At the same high school was an assistant basketball coach, Darryl Jockey (pronounced Yockey). Unremarkable, until he married a woman named Terry. Poor Terry Jockey.
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9E0DE0DC1539F932A35753CA9619C8B63
BULAWAYO JOURNAL; In a Land of Homemade Names, Tiffany Doesn't Cut It
I was thinking about how "All Cops Suck" would look on a driver's license.
Definitely should not be named Willie Stroker :Stroker? I hardly know 'er!
A high school classmate of many moons ago was named "Theta Alpha".
At the same high school (assuming this was mid-1980s), the guidance counselor was named Richard Condon, and he mostly went by his nickname...
There's that Asian couple who tried to name their baby "@". Care to wage on the identity issues that kid would have? Like Prince, without the cocain and money.
There was an article in the Sun a while ago about a Mr and Mrs Peacock who named their son Drew and didn't notice what was wrong with it until it was too late.
I used to work with Slobert Red, and when I was a Truck Driver I met a lot lizard who called herself Candy Cain, but I'll bet that wasn't her real name. Boobies. Hey I didn't write that. Or did I and suffer from Tourettes?
Apparently, there's also a Dick Assman in Canada. And don't forget about Moxie CrimeFighter Jillette, the daughter of Penn Jillette (of Penn and Teller fame).
You could name your daughter Elly Vator.
Or Unsubscribe List.
I don't understand the Drew Peacock problem? Andy Peacock? Andrew Peacock? A. Peacock? Cockadoodle doo? OOOOoohh okay I'm just slow. DROOPY COCK!!! Whoot that is fun. I feel naughty editing this page since I don't know you people and just happened upon this page by accident. As far as name suggestions go, since I saw the movie "Children of Men" I've been partial to the names "Froley" and "Bazooka".
I had a boss whose last name was Bell. He wanted to name his twin sons Taco and Liberty.
or "immaterial"
I heard of these folks who wanted to name their kid 'superman'. I also have always entertained the idea of naming my child Seven, or Soda.
also emag eht tsol i
Or the parents with last name Daub who named there child 'Zippity Doo'
For a pair of boy & girl twins: Charleston & Charlatan
Or, Testing Wuntutre
I have some friends whose last name is Merchant. They joked that they wanted to name their first two Retail and Wholesale.
Last name "Knight"?
Why not have a
Jedi?
Ka-ka (pronounced "Kadashka"). Seriously a real kid's name. WTF are parents thinking?!
I have a friend who is called Chisel. It's not his birth name, it was a name he used in an online game, and so many people started to call him by it he decided to have his name changed by deed-poll (in the UK). There was a move afoot to start to call him hammer as a nick-name on the game, but was quashed by his wife.
I knew a Chinese couple that named their daughter Ping 127.0.0.1.
There's always Shanda Lear, named by the guy who started Lear jets: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_Lear.
Sarah Tonin
Shirley Eugest
Thursday Next then you can "Meet Thursday Next"
Great name for an author: Frederick Page-Turner (who wrote some pretty darn boring books)
There's always the guy with the most badass name in the history of names. His parents must have been comic book geeks. Or maybe they were just trying to give him a headstart in life:Batman Bin Suparman
Simpsons Style: Hugh Jass, Amanda Huginkis, Joey JoJo Junior Shabadu?
My sister went to school with a girl called Tara Mc Adam
I went to school with Wayne Kerr. And I knew Richard Richards, who was a complete ....
Although I don't know either of them personally, I have seen the names Brick Mason and Florida Orange
1. Have a son and name him Zak.
2. Then, while he is small, call him µ-zak. (µ meaning micro, and then buy a lot of elevator muzak.)
3 ???
4. profit!
We warned Mrs. Barber not to name her son Gabriel because it would be shortened to Gabe.
There is(was) a real estate agent in Milwaukee Wisconsin who put his name on his For Sale signs as Dick Surges.
i'm astonished that no one mentioned the (almost certainly apocryphal) Orangejello and Lemonjello boys. (pronounced "or-ahn-zha-lo" and "luh-mahn-zha-lo" all pseudo-hispanic-style)
A pediatric hospital where I once worked had not one but three different boys whose first names were "Meconium." I saw the registration plate for one of them, so it was no urban legend.
http://www.cartalk.com/content/about/credits/credits.html
A friend of mine accompanied a high school friend of hers to name change court on her 18th birthday. The judge was going through his name-change spiel ("Are you evading a debt? Are you sought by any law enforcement agencies?..."). The young lady interjected "Your Honor? Did you read the petition?" The judge confessed he hadn't, and looked down at his papers. The woman's name was April May June. He took a moment to compose himself, then granted the request without any more questions.
Dear Pesky Plumbers,
The Koopalings and I have taken over the Mushroom Kingdom! The Princess is now a permanent guest at one of my seven Koopa Hotels! I dare you to find her if you can!
I knew a boy and girl from high school that were fraternal twins.
He was named Leon and she was named Noel.
How about Muffin Haler for a boy?
What about Cunning Linguist?
I was at school with Andrew and Peter Ness. Sounds fine until you hear that the school identified them by first initial followed by surname...
My last name is Froh (like afro without the "a"). My parents were originally thinking of naming me Tuin.
I met a young lady named Candy Cox
She worked in a cardboard box (...this *is* a limerick, right?)
I work with a guy called Chris Peacock. Everyone calls him 'Crispy'.
Shantel Lyes
I had a co-worker named Junior Flash. Someone once asked him why his parents saw fit to give him that name, and he shrugged and said his mother's name was Candy Flash.
I also once saw a resume from a a 'Cinnamon Baker'.
My girlfriend went to school with a Jenny Taylor.
Uruguay and Brazil are not funny for this game, there you can name your children whatever you want. In Uruguay there's actually people called Neil Armstrong and Hitler. (and those are first names)
I knew a russian with 3 testicles called Udyanickabollockov Smith
Real names:
Nosmo King and Nopar King ... if I had that pulled on me, I'd kill my parents before I was 15.
Female <any Hispanic family name> ... this really happens when a baby girl comes home from the hospital
without a name on the birth certificate; it's usually filled in as "Female" <family name>, to be updated later.
Apparently a large number of Hispanics think this is either an assigned name that they can't touch, or "Female"
(Fee mahl lay) sounds like a a nice first name.
Richard Licker
I once knew a Michael Hawk that masturbated incessantly.
How could we forget Dick Butkus - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dick_Butkus - Middle Linebacker or Die!
Chip Munk (a realty agent in Topeka, KS, USA): http://www.statefarm.com/agent/US/KS/Topeka/Chip-Munk-SMB931YS000(links must be approved) … I don’t know where I put the picture of the bus bench where I first saw his name, but it’s certainly no joke.